Has God Abandoned Me?

By Peter Stone

"The LORD himself
goes before you and
will be with you; he
will never leave you
nor forsake you. Do
not be afraid; do not
be discouraged."
Deuteronomy 31:8

f we are suffering from clinical depression, we typically lose interest in life, are overwhelmed with despair, terrorized by obsessive fearful thoughts, and beset by an endless cycle of anxiety attacks, insomnia, guilt, low self-esteem, shock, bewilderment, confusion, denial, and rage. We also lose the ability to feel God’s presence, cannot feel His love for us, and it feels like we can no longer take comfort from His Word.

It is therefore no surprise that while in this stage, we fear or even conclude that God has abandoned us. The magnitude of the suffering is so intense that we cannot comprehend how God could still be with us and yet allow such a thing to happen to us.

From my diary, 28th Feb 1990 –
Dear Jesus, I continually get angry with You.
Why have You allowed this? Where are You?
How long will You remain silent? Why won’t You heal me?
I know what You are capable of, yet You do nothing – why?

We think of all of the promises God made in His Word and wonder why He does not appear to be honouring them. We feel little or no comfort when we read the Bible. As we fearfully ponder why God’s Word no longer seems to be working in our life, we become frustrated, worried, and angry. We wonder if God left us to fend for ourselves. We cannot understand why He will not answer our desperate prayers – can’t He see what we are going through? Doesn’t He care?

My diary, 14th June 1990 –
The Heavens remain silent, and this both angers and disappoints me.
I thought I felt Jesus say that He is carrying me through this.
But how can I be sure?
And if He is, why won’t He let me feel His presence?
Why don’t He help me?
Where is His Word? Where are His promises?

Another common reaction is to fear or believe that we have let God down in some major way, perhaps by stepping outside His will, by disobeying Him somehow, or by committing an unforgivable sin. As a result, we wonder if He has turned His back and abandoned us. And if we get angry with God for letting us go through this inexplicable suffering, devastating guilt may follow these bouts of anger. We may even think that we have lost our salvation and are no longer a Christian.

My diary, 10th April 1990 –
I see others who live and prosper,
And yet here am I, stuck in this dark prison cell.
Jesus, where are You? Please see my circumstances,
Please hear my prayer.
Please set in motion Your answer, Your solution.
Why have You abandoned me?
Why do You remain silent?
I’ve waited and waited, yet I am met with silence.

It is completely normal to experience reactions like this during depression. “I can’t feel God’s presence any more,” or “I can’t feel the love of Christ,” or, “It feels like God has abandoned me!” are all phrases spoken often by Christians suffering from depression.

Now, can you see a thread that weaves through all that I have written above?

All of these reactions we have towards God during depression are based on our feelings.

Below are some things that can help us get through this phase.

Recognize that Our Feelings are Deceiving Us

It is imperative, while suffering from depression, to recognise what a friend once told me, “We can’t see properly in times like this. Our feelings completely distort our world view and vision.” It is as though we are wearing extremely dark glasses all of the time. Although light surrounds us, we cannot see it because of the glasses.

Do Not Trust Our Feelings

Bearing in mind that our feelings have become distorted, we must remind ourselves daily that we cannot trust our feelings nor pay them any heed – they are tricking and misleading us.

But be encouraged, this phase does not last forever. When our exhausted mind and nervous system heal, whether this takes months or years, our feelings will return to normal. We will feel His presence again, we will feel His love again, and we will feel that His word is all-powerful again.

Trust in What We Know, Not in What We Feel

Conscious of the fact that we cannot trust in our feelings, in what then can we trust? What can we rely upon? We can rely upon what we know. We know that God is with us (although we can’t feel it), we know that He loves us (although we can’t feel it), and we know His word is all powerful (although we can’t feel it).

We know these things because the Bible tells us, and because the Holy Spirit in us testifies to that fact. For now, it is enough to know God is with us, to know that Jesus loves us, and to know that His Word is all-powerful. It does not matter than we cannot feel these things while depressed.

In reading through my diary entries, it is interesting to see that although I often lamented that I felt abandoned by God, in those very same entries, I also concluded that I knew He was still there and still cared. I can see now that I was learning to rely upon His Word instead of upon my feelings.

13th May 1990 -
The Bible says to consider it joy to endure trials,
I must say that there has been no joy in this trial.
It defies any previous experience known to me.
But I’ve been forced to trust God when it seems He has abandoned me.
I have been forced to come to a place where I have trusted Him without feeling like doing so.
All I want to do is cry out that He had abandoned me, that He is not faithful. But He is faithful. And I know that.
He is faithful and true. He is Jesus.

14th June 1990 –
I feel so like Job. “Curse God and die!” my thoughts yell at me.
“Look at this suffering! How can He be faithful, when He’s apparently done nothing for six whole months now - curse Him and die!”
But God is faithful, and I know that – it is His name – Faithful and True.

In conclusion, let us look at some of the Bible verses that we know are true and can rely upon - as opposed to our feelings, which we cannot rely upon.

God’s Promises to Never Leave Us


Deuteronomy 31:8 “The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Matthew 28:20 “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

John 10:27 “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.”

And just in case that promise was not enough to assure us, Jesus goes on to say, “My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand.” John 10:29.

God’s Promises that He Loves Us

Romans 8:35,38-39 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?… For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Galatians 2:20 The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

God Never Changes

We can also be reassured that God never changes, He is the one constant in an ever-changing world.

Hebrews 13:8 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

One last thought before I sign off. When we have recovered from depression and look back upon this phase where we felt that God had abandoned us, we will be able to recognise very clearly that He was with us and holding us safely within His hand. We will also recognise that it was during this time that we learnt not to rely upon our feelings, but upon Him and His Word.

Luke 6:47-48 “I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built.”